Thoughts from Post-It Notes
12 10 2007Alright, so the last post didn’t do my heart justice. They haven’t for awhile. I’m sitting here writing poetry on large post-it notes. Yes, it’s true. I can’t seem to finish just one… so I’ll start another. It makes me feel better to waste post-it notes than pages in a journal - even though I know I should just ‘waste’ them.
My faith grows, it diminishes, it leaps again, it plunges… but I keep seeking. Hopefully that’s worth something.
Some days I have overwhelming realizations of how lonely I am… and I immediately shake it off. I don’t give it a second thought - until it decides to overwhelm me again. I’m not unhappy, though. Just, lonely?
It’s funny how we blame it on our emotions being unpredictable, so we put it all aside. That just doesn’t make sense to me.
I don’t expect these thoughts to make sense. I’m just flowing in those “unpredictable” and “overwhelming” emotions. Forgive me in advance.
I want to pour my life into another’s. Someday. Maybe I just haven’t found anyone truly worth while to pour my best into. Not yet. Or, I lack awareness. This has been hitting me recently pretty hard.
We all lack awareness. We look and do not see.
I want to see you. I really do. I just wonder if anyone really wants to see me… see me heart, see my soul.
Truly seeing someone gives me hope for love.
Say hello to part of a post-it note:
Oh, dear // there goes all sensibility // I swore to myself this would never be // seeing you somehow gives me hope for love
It’s funny how the fear in our head talks our hearts out of loving. Not even romantically - just loving.
I’ve been on this crazy thought for awhile about how this body is our shell. This body is what we’ve been given to love with, to express with, to glorify God with. This is what we’ve got. We can either be dissatisfied or do all we can to use our mind, will and emotion and these frail limbs to create a beautiful life - one that will be honorable, one that will (by someone) be remembered and cherished.
You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.
I’ve been living by this. Or, trying to. It’s sinking in slowly but surely. It’s changing the way I think, the way I love, the way I live. It’s simple - but sometimes, simple things change you the most. You don’t always have to be bold… you can be subtle and change the world.
See? I warned you. Thoughts. Not. Connecting. Really. Oh well.
Songs on the mix tonight:
Speeding Cars - Imogen Heap
Hold You In My Arms - Ray LaMontagne
Australia - The Shins
Doubting Thomas - Nickel Creek
Sundress - Ben Kweller
Music affects you. Maybe some of those explain my writing this all out.
All I can say is that I feel better. There’s… something to chew on. Maybe. Hopefully.
Singleness is a beautiful thing.
-lauren
Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)
It is a beautiful thing, but why call it singleness when we are not alone? Lonely, yes. Alone, no.
Your tale of post-its made me smile. They are good for brief poetry. Here is one of my post-it notes (from tuesday, oddly enough) saying hello back to yours:
there is danger//in eyes meeting eyes// oh fatal, sudden strike!
parallel strangeness in our post-it notes? yes. But it is cool.
you have a direct connection to my soul… there is no doubt in my mind after reading what you just wrote. some sort of unsaid understanding. i miss you and love you and your heart. <3.
Your thoughts connected perfectly to me, lovely.
Fear keeps us from living how we should.
Mmmmhmmm.
Oh but I have much to say about this!!! I’ve been here exactly, to the letter (well, the first part at least)!!!
I’m sending this to every possible way I can get it to you if I have to crawl to Cross Lanes on my hands and knees!
“My faith grows, it diminishes, it leaps again, it plunges… but I keep seeking. Hopefully that’s worth something.”
This happens to me almost every other day it seems. One day I’m so into God, talking to him one-on-one and he’s answering me and everything is glorious and beautiful and I want to sing and shout and praise and dance until I can’t anymore.
But there are other days when the world is dark and gloomy, and in horror I see my soul yearning and reaching out for that darkness, to be surrounded and filled by it. To wallow in the muck and slime of my shame and hate. In my terror I scream and cry out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?!”
You see, we live in time, and because we live in time our souls are in a continual cycle of ups and downs. During the up periods everything is interesting and beautiful, during the down periods everything is boring and bland. It is called by C.S. Lewis in the Screwtape Letters, “The Law of Undulation,”
“Some days I have overwhelming realizations of how lonely I am… and I immediately shake it off. I don’t give it a second thought - until it decides to overwhelm me again. I’m not unhappy, though. Just, lonely?”
“I want to pour my life into another’s. Someday. Maybe I just haven’t found anyone truly worth while to pour my best into. Not yet. Or, I lack awareness. This has been hitting me recently pretty hard.”
I know that feeling too, and I’m not quite sure what causes it, but I think it is part of the current fallen condition of our race. We have been cut off from the full presence of Almighty God, the fulfillment of the indescribable longing unquenchable by anything on earth. But now, with the cross, we have access to him, as much as we need at any moment period. And he is willing, no, longing with a desperation enough to suck any man in to a terrible vortex of yearning, to give himself in great abundance to us. He is worthy to be poured into, and he will pour out everything he has for us.
Worthy is the Lamb that was slain
Holy Holy is he!
HOLY HOLY HOLY is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!
With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything, and I will adore you!
“I want to see you. I really do. I just wonder if anyone really wants to see me… see me heart, see my soul.
Truly seeing someone gives me hope for love.”
In “The Holy Wild”, Mark Buchanon says, “In times of greatest need, our greatest need is simply to see God,’ Seeing God, being with him is the utter fulfillment of our hearts.
“I’ve been on this crazy thought for awhile about how this body is our shell. This body is what we’ve been given to love with, to express with, to glorify God with. This is what we’ve got. We can either be dissatisfied or do all we can to use our mind, will and emotion and these frail limbs to create a beautiful life - one that will be honorable, one that will (by someone) be remembered and cherished.”
This is true, but one cannot create a beautiful life without the Beautiful Creator. And no one can work with the Beautiful Creator unless we have sought unification with him. This is part of why, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength”, for by loving God, who is love, we are becoming like the one who is love himself. By that, we become like God, and will know how to make something beautiful, because we’ve seen the real Beauty (random thought: God is Beauty, we are the Beast). And once that work is completed, the work God has designed us to do, it will indeed be cherished and remembered. “Well done my good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with few things, I will put you in charge of many things. Come, share your Master’s happiness!”
“Music affects you”
The power of life and death are in the tongue. Remember, God created the entire universe by saying it would be so, and we have been made in his image. Because of this, our words (on a miniature scale) have power of the same kind. Then, there are the rhythms of music, which brings forth powerful melodies, especially when they match those of Heaven. When the words of God are matched with heaven’s melody to create a God Song, what else can music do but affect you? (The same principle works when the songs and melodies of Hell are mixed together as well, but with terrible and horrible results).
“All I can say is that I feel better. There’s… something to chew on. Maybe. Hopefully.”
Jesus said that he is the Bread of Life, and whoever eats of his flesh and drinks of his blood (figuratively speaking) will have eternal life. I’m not talking about the life which those who love God will enter after death, but of the life that flows from the Father through eternity and is made manifest in the present surrender of a human to God. Indeed, there is something to chew on.
“Singleness is a beautiful thing.”
Absolutely, because then we can focus on our engagement with our King. But then, those who marry have something we do not; the physical representation of both the Trinity and our relationship with God. Either way, there is great beauty!
May God give you Peace during the midst of War.
Brother
Jack
Salaam-Peace
we need to talk.
Ha! I expect there’s a whole legion of people who desire to talk with Lauren. May the Lord bless your conversation.
I beg your pardon, miss. You seem to have hit a philosophical hot spot.
You are soul, true. But you are also body. The two cannot exist without the other. A body is dead without a soul, and a soul has no way to act without a body.
The one is just as important as the other.
Peter - Maybe I didn’t say it clear enough.. so I’m glad you pointed it out. I agree.
Interesting…I’d have to think about that.